Self-contradictions caused by true feelings and pretense

How to convey your true feelings - Your subconscious knows success

Many people living in the city struggle with loneliness in the hustle and bustle of everyday life, living with vague anxiety about their future. In this situation, you may suddenly be unable to even accept the kindness of others and end up skeptical. Behind this is the unique communication culture of "truth and pretense" that is deeply rooted in Japanese society.

What exactly are true feelings and pretenses? Why do we continue to hide our true feelings and use our pretenses? And what kind of contradiction will we fall into by using different meanings and pretenses? This article explores these questions and rethinks the way communication is done in the Reiwa era.

Words with two faces and true feelings and pretenses

広辞苑によれば、本音とは「本心（うわべでない本当の心。本意。）から出た言葉。建前を取り除いた本当の気持ち」と定義される。 There is no lie in the truth, but it contains feelings and intuitions that you honestly felt at the moment. It could be said to be an expression of raw emotions as pure and unfiltered as a newborn baby.

一方、建前とは「表向き（うわべのこと。表面。）の方針」と定義される。 If your true feelings are "true feelings that have been removed from the forehead," then the forehead contains lies that are not the true feelings. The pretext is that it is simply a "outward policy," so there is always a behind-the-scenes policy there. Just as creating the front gives rise to the back, the pretense is a superficial policy of "Let's proceed like this" that is different from the true feelings.

Origin of pretense culture and the morals of tragic stories

There are interesting anecdotes in the true feelings and origins of the forehead. A long time ago there was a skilled master master. One day, the master carpenter makes a mistake that he cannot fix. The pillar I cut out wasn't long enough. The mastermind, who has suffered his own failure, prepares to die. When the master-in-law's wife learned this, she recommended her husband drink and put him to sleep, and instead came up with a strange idea. This was the method of using a square to repair the missing pillars.

The next morning, the master woke up and used the sash that his wife offered to him to make up for the missing parts of the pillars, and somehow managed to get away with it. However, fearing that his shame would come to light, the master slayer kills his wife. It is said that the ritual was that the master later regretted the mistake he made, and spent his life trying to mourn his wife, and displayed the seven tools of the woman (lipstick, mirror, comb, hairpin, sir, wig) on ​​the building to commemorate her, which was the pretext ceremony.

This story suggests that the vain and will of a man who was so obsessed with "pretty" that he killed his wife, and the sadness of a woman who responded with "the truth" became the origin of the word "true thoughts and pretense." It's an incredible story, where pretense destroys your true feelings.

The structure of duplicity and psychological mechanisms that hide the true feelings

As this story shows, we use different truths and pretenses in various situations in our daily lives. While trying to get the upper hand, I hope the other person will understand their true feelings. That is the duplicity structure of true feelings and pretense.

For example, if you are asked at a drinking party, "It's early tomorrow morning, right? Are you okay with not going home?", it might be an expression that hides the other person's true feelings, saying, "When it's about time for you to go home? No, I want you to go home." It's an act of trying to get things going as you want, pretending to be worried about the other person. Women also often use the word "cute!", but sometimes they truly feel that way, and sometimes they just say that because they can't find another word, so they just want to say that.

What these examples share a common point about people who want to have the advantage in relationships, that is, they want to be in a position that is convenient for them. Although you truly believe that you are wearing clothes that don't suit you, using the phrase "it suits you so well" is an indication of your true desire to move things in your advantage.

The pretense of prosperity stops prosperity and the disadvantages of communication

However, the current situation where communication between true feelings and pretenses has become commonplace, may be stopping our prosperity.

In international situations, Japan's unique pretense diplomacy will not convey our intentions to the other country, making it difficult to build a relationship of trust. Although it may be possible to maintain superficial friendships, if they cannot convey their true feelings, they will be forced to take on the straight demands of the other country, giving the impression that they are a country that is bad at negotiating.

In addition, in school education, human relationships based on pretense are emphasized. It is recommended to express things in a way that doesn't hurt people, so that they don't stand out, creating a social structure where individuality is often excluded. The implicit message "Be in the box of pretense" spreads, and the stakes that appear are smashed.

As a result, we learn to live in a way that is not noticeable and does not cause any turmoil, and before we know it, it becomes a part of our lives. If you speak in an oblate manner, when you give a speech in front of a large group, you can only express your ordinary expressions, making it difficult for the audience to resonate with. Can't express your own personality, can't express your true feelings to others, can't be appreciated, and can't gain the trust of your subordinates. This could be considered a huge loss for both individuals and organizations.

The merits and demerits of pretense culture and the lubrication aspect of society

However, there are not necessarily negative aspects of pretense culture. The pretext serves as a lubricant to avoid friction in social life and to maintain smooth relationships. It also has the ability to protect the weak by avoiding direct criticism and respecting the other party's position.

For example, language that is considerate to avoid harming the other person's feelings, and behavior such as reading the atmosphere and refraining from speaking are supported by pretenses. It can also be said that a good aspect of pretense culture is to use formal words and actions to show respect for the deceased and those involved in rituals such as ceremonial ceremonies.

The pretext is an element necessary to maintain social order and to maintain harmony among people. It is also important to view it as an aspect of Japanese culture and understand its purpose, rather than completely denying it.

Mechanism of self-contradiction: inner conflict and mental fatigue

Using true feelings and pretenses differently can sometimes create serious contradictions. By trying to suppress our true feelings and meet the expectations of those around us, we suffer from inner conflict.

For example, by taking on a job that you don't really want to do by saying, "Yes, I'm happy!", or by smiling politely to someone you actually dislike by saying, "I'm always grateful for your help," we are lying to our own hearts. If this condition continues, self-esteem will decrease, stress and anxiety will increase, and ultimately lead to mental exhaustion.

Self-contradictions not only erode our mental health, but also have a negative impact on relationships. If you hide your true feelings and deal with them as pretense, you will have a mental barrier between you and the other person, making it difficult to build an intimate relationship. Inability to express your true feelings may also lead to misunderstandings from those around you or deepening your sense of isolation.

Tips for overcoming self-contradictions: Self-understanding and self-acceptance

In order to overcome self-contradictions, it is important to first face your heart honestly. The first step is to be aware of what kind of pretense you are using and what kind of pretense you are using, and to understand the emotions and desires behind this.

Furthermore, it is important to accept your feelings rather than denying or suppressing them. By accepting yourself as you are, including your weaknesses and flaws, you can increase your self-esteem and maintain peace of mind.

Also, convincing your true feelings to someone you trust is an effective way to overcome your own contradictions. By having someone listen to you, you can organize your own emotions and look at the problems from an objective perspective.

Furthermore, by incorporating mindfulness activities such as meditation and yoga, you can develop the ability to listen to your inner voice and ride the waves of emotions.

Is Reiwa the era of true feelings?・New trends in communication

Until now, there has been a tendency for people to be criticized for trying to live their true feelings, but the trends of the times are beginning to change. As we enter the Reiwa era, the dualistic tastes of true feelings and pretenses are often disgusting and disliked. There is a tendency for people to express themselves more directly, not knowing what they are trying to say.

With the spread of social media, everyone can freely express their opinions, and the resistance to speaking honestly is fading. Furthermore, as globalization progresses and more opportunities to be exposed to diverse values ​​have increased, there is a growing movement to rethink Japan's unique communication style.

Now, we may be at a turning point in the era where the reputation of those who have lived as pretense has fallen, and the reputation of those who have lived as true feelings has risen.

Specific steps to "living with your true feelings": To live more like yourself

From now on, living your true feelings will be the key to living a more personal and fulfilling life. However, it is difficult to speak up everything in the truth right away. Therefore, we recommend that you start practicing to live your true life little by little, step by step.

1. Practice being honest with your emotions - Be aware of what you are feeling, and when you feel happy, sad, or angry.
   
2. Practice choosing words for honest self-expression, finding and using words that can accurately express your feelings.
   
3. Practice to reveal your true feelings to trusted people, practice to reveal your true feelings to trusted people, such as family and friends.
   
4. Practice expressing your own opinions while respecting the other person's feelings, and practice expressing your own opinions honestly while respecting the other person's feelings.

By repeating these practices, you will gradually lose your resistance to speaking your true feelings, and you will be able to live your life more like you are.

The importance of balance: harmony between true feelings and pretense

However, unconditionally revealing your true feelings does not always result in good results. It is also important to consider the possibility of hurting others or worsening relationships.

The important thing is to have the flexibility to use your true feelings and pretense depending on the situation. Advanced communication skills are required to respect the other person's feelings and to express your opinions honestly.

Speaking honestly means freedom of self-expression, but at the same time, it also involves consideration and responsibility for the other person. The ideal form of communication in the Reiwa era is to maintain a balance between true feelings and pretense, build better relationships and lead a richer life.

New communication begins

In this article, I have examined the origin, structure, and influence of Japan's unique communication culture, which is true feelings and pretense, and argued that we should live our true feelings in the future.

However, rather than falling into a supreme attitude, it is important to be flexible in using true feelings and pretenses depending on the situation, deepen your self-understanding, and communicate without forgetting to considerate the other person.

The Reiwa era will mark the beginning of new communication, aiming to harmonize true feelings and pretense, and being more self-aware and respecting others. We should be able to ride this wave of change, build richer relationships, and lead more fulfilling lives. thumb_upthumb_down

Shokey Hayashi

Exorcist/Radionics Technique Researcher

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Born in Aomori Prefecture in 1965, he has been suffering from troubles, illnesses and injuries caused by spiritual phenomena since childhood. However, one day, when he was 20 years old, he attended an event, had a mysterious experience at the venue, and was hit by lightning energy from the heavens, as if piercing the spinal cord from his brain, and his psychic abilities blossomed. He then began studying psychology and psychiatry, and now he has combined psychiatry and consciousness engineering. Established "Radionics exorcism" using our own radionics techniques. "It's possible to treat your fortune" beyond exorcism, memorial service, and healing.