From self-sacrifice of compassion to coexistence - The possibility of "good compassion" that Japanese people overlook

Living in the centre of righteousness - the contradiction of compassion

Even after years of my life, I can't forget the palms that were quickly offered to me the moment I thought, "Ah, it's dangerous!" and the back of my body leaving without asking for anything in return. When you are in trouble and receive the casual kindness of others, you will feel keenly aware that people are not only alive but also by others. The casual kindness that doesn't require any reward has the power to make others more useful.

However, this seemingly virtue, "compassion," sometimes transforms into a distorted form, and can become a chain that tormentes us. Does the "compassion" that we have been taught so far make people happy? Starting from this question, we would like to rethink the traditional concept of "compassion" and delve deeper into the need for "good compassion" to build healthier relationships.

1. Traditional limits of "compassion" and the trap of self-sacrifice

Looking up the dictionary, compassion is defined as "considering one's mindset and feelings of another person." They guess the other person's feelings, use their imagination, and feel sympathy. We have been taught the importance of treating people with this kind of compassion. Sometimes, even at the expense of yourself, he prioritizes others, chooses words to avoid hurting others, and politely responds to people he dislikes. When there are poor people, they think like they are themselves and try to help them. Even smiling, no matter how hard it is, has been considered a virtue.

However, the more compassionate people act, the more difficult they are often placed in. Relationships don't go as well as they think, and events often occur around you that feel unreasonable. "Good people" are not very likely to complain and are forced into difficult situations. "Good people" are often relied on by others, and do not look unpleasant to them, but try to act with compassion and resolve them. However, even if the problem is solved, the other person is not so grateful, and once again they are relied on by the troubled person. Even though they have helped people many times, it seems that the only people who end up feeling good are the ones who rely on them. It seems like I'm playing a role that's a shame.

"I took care of my mom friend's child, who I always get along with, and gave her dinner, and that became the norm and I was asked to do it multiple times a week." "When I helped a subordinate who was in trouble, it was only natural that it was natural and I couldn't express my gratitude. I started to behave more and more as I please, and I feel like I'm being criticized." This situation is not something that happens to someone else. Self-sacrificing "compassion" sometimes drives us to be exploited and distorts our relationships.

Not only does good things happen, but those around them don't get that high evaluation of "good people." And then one after another, problems arise around me, causing me to worry. Why are you acting with such compassion that you sacrifice yourself, but you are not evaluated and the problem is gone?

2. Three perspectives that "good people" overlook

In order to overcome the situations that "good people" tend to fall into, we need to question the traditional concept of "compassion" and look to the perspectives that we have overlooked.

① Losing myself

If you keep thinking about other people's feelings and thinking from others' perspectives, you will eventually end up not feeling your true feelings. And at some point, I lose sight of myself. As a result, even if you are someone you really don't like, while killing yourself and matching it with the other person, you may even end up in the position of your partner like your servant.

People who have lost sight of themselves are easy to use to those who are not willing to be considerate of others. People who suit you and who will act according to you if you ask them are convenient people. They think that the other person is someone who listens to what they say, someone who is convenient for them, and as a result, they recognize that they are someone who is lower than themselves. As a result, the evaluation is only declining. No one can tell you that the conscientiousness of the matter leads to poor ratings. But this is the reality that happens frequently.

② They believe they understand the other person's feelings

It is said that compassion is about estimating and thinking about the other person's feelings, but do people really understand the other person's feelings? People can only see things through their own experiences. Seeing people in need, the good people agree. They unconsciously search for commonalities between them and the other person and replace them with them. In other words, you are seeing the other person's past self.

Remembering the hardships I had back then, the troubled I was, and the people I wanted to help but didn't, I instinctively acted to help my past self. The other person must be the same. I have to help (me). However, this is an act of projecting your own image onto the other person, and it cannot be said that you understand the other person's feelings. It's merely arguing about the other person's feelings through speculation.

The act of assuming that you must be thinking this way is actually the same as not respecting the other person, and not treating them on an equal footing. The other person will then feel uncomfortable with the act of compassion. "Leave me alone. It's an unnecessary thing to do. "and. It subtly makes you feel that you are not respected. It also deepens the sense of loneliness and closes my heart to good people. Or try to use a good person at your convenience. Even if you think you understand someone's feelings, no one can understand someone's true feelings.

③ I don't live my true feelings

There are some parts that overlap with ①, but when you understand people's feelings and think about things from someone else's perspective, you forget to live your true feelings. He can't act like he doesn't like him, he can't complain about his boss's unreasonable orders, and he can't refuse requests from people in need... It looks like dead leaves floating around in the waves. If you try to respond to the requests of others other than yourself, you will be swayed by other people's selfishness. As I continue, I don't even know which one is my true feelings.

People who are displaced from the center of themselves and unable to convey what they think is right to others can cause them to have weak communication skills and be thought of as "people who are obedient", "people who cannot be entrusted with work", or "unreliable". For some reason, selfish people are more highly regarded and are being praised by the people around them because selfish people are speaking their language closer to their centers and have a stronger ability to communicate.

3. "Bad compassion" and "Good compassion" - two directions

From the above considerations, it can be seen that there are two types of compassion. The first is "bad compassion," which has been educated to do so. The compassion that has been taught in previous education is this evil compassion. This is the virtue of compassion that Japanese people have to think morally, help people in need, always be kind to everyone, and respect others more than themselves. Taking these kinds of compassion makes you more likely to fall into the negative dilemma of both you and the other person becoming unhappy.

On the other hand, "good compassion" means having the power to make use of others and supporting them. It is not based on self-sacrifice, but on mutual respect based on self-esteem.

4. Specific practice of "good compassion" - self-esteem and boundaries

So, how can you specifically implement "good compassion"? The important thing is to be aware of the following two factors:

① Increase self-esteem

First, start by cherishing your feelings and desires. Be conscious of what you want to do and what you feel and respect it. It is also important to express your opinion honestly that you don't like anything you don't like. To increase your self-esteem, it is also effective to develop the habit of praise yourself, and spend time on what you like or specialize in.

② Clarify the boundary line

It is also important to protect your own time and energy, not to overintervene in other people's problems. It is important to help people in need, but if you push yourself beyond your capacity, you will ultimately end up exhausting yourself. While understanding the other person's situation, try to recognize your own limitations and provide support to the extent possible. It is also important to have the courage to say no and not be swayed by other people's requests.

"Good compassion" is not to act coldly. It is also important to be close to the other person's feelings, but also to have an objective perspective and not be influenced by emotions. We provide advice and support to help the other person become independent, but we do not resolve the problem instead. The essence of "good compassion" is to work in ways that encourage the other person's growth and give them confidence.

5. Future and symbiotic relationships brought about by "good compassion"

By breaking away from "bad compassion" and practicing "good compassion", we can build healthier and more prosperous relationships. We can build relationships that are symbiotically based on mutual respect, rather than relationships that are based on self-sacrifice.

"Good compassion" is not just a kindness, but an action that requires intelligence and courage. In order to build a good relationship with others and cherish yourself, it is important to be aware of these factors and try to act in a balanced manner. By fostering "good compassion," we will be able to make ourselves happy and bring happiness to those around us.

summary

The "compassion" that Japanese people have always been a virtue has sometimes been transformed into "bad compassion" that forces them to sacrifice themselves, and can become a chain that will torture us.

However, "compassion" originally has the power to make use of others and support them. "Good compassion" is the key to building symbiotic relationships based on self-esteem and mutual respect.

By fostering "good compassion," we will be able to make ourselves happy and bring happiness to those around us. From self-sacrifice to coexistence. The redefinition of "compassion" should serve as a guidepost that will not only lead to happiness for our own people, but also to happiness for society as a whole.

Shokey Hayashi

Exorcist/Radionics Technique Researcher

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Born in Aomori Prefecture in 1965, he has been suffering from troubles, illnesses and injuries caused by spiritual phenomena since childhood. However, one day, when he was 20 years old, he attended an event, had a mysterious experience at the venue, and was hit by lightning energy from the heavens, as if piercing the spinal cord from his brain, and his psychic abilities blossomed. He then began studying psychology and psychiatry, and now he has combined psychiatry and consciousness engineering. Established "Radionics exorcism" using our own radionics techniques. "It's possible to treat your fortune" beyond exorcism, memorial service, and healing.